If God made the world

God made the world and
Saw that it was good. . .
I look at my world sometimes and think
Maybe God was blind
Last night the stars made love to me
Visually indescribably love so
I won’t waste time trying to explain it to you
But it was the kind of love that
Holds onto you like it’s the last time it’ll see you
And it’s a sad day when nothing on earths love you
So the stars have to take notice
And step down from there heavenly beds of midnight
just so someone can kiss you goodnight

God made the world and saw that it was good
But in my world I’m nearly drowned by my pasts
That won’t let me go their grasps leave me gasping for breaths
That I can not breathe because my lungs are to strung out on the ecstasy
Of my life’s horror stories my own personal history
Ugly because it hasn’t been washed clean since a time so long I can’t even remember
And my today life lives in those past lives and I fester in it
Fester in the stench of regret
How many of us reek of Should of’s, could of’s and would of’s
How many of us suffer at dominating hand of anxiety
Is tomorrow really a new day
How can it be when all that matters is todays memory of yesterday
And we remember, and 3 years later to the day we remember
And 30 years from now we will still remember
and while we held up at the gunpoint of those memories we resist help like its bad cough medicine Spit it out of the mouth of reality
And we try so hard to shake off let go of and remove the hands
The hands that are trying so hard to hold on to us
And pull us up and help us breathe again
Remember our lungs have forgotten how to breathe again
Stop. Take deep breathes and feel the crisp cold of the past
Come into your insides knowing it might not be fine
But let it in and see what happens
So I let it in. and ran and I ran underneath a thick
Downy blanket of midnight
Tucked underneath a comforter of stars and lulled to sleep by
The silent melody of two am
And I ran, and the I tried breathing again
And like riding a bicycle for the first time in years
My lungs could breathe again and
And the crisp harsh bitter winters of my past came in
like a flood they overwhelmed me
And like a storm they destroyed me
And like a rape they took advantage of me and left hopeless
And I couldn’t stand tall hopeless so fell to the ground
And made bitter love to the concrete with my tears
because even though it was hard and cold at least I could feel the concrete
And I hated everything I was and everything I was I hate
And I was hate and my hate was shoved into my face
And I couldn’t for the life of me escape and I was stuck between
Hate which was me and the concrete underneath drowned in pain
And a lack overcame me, and I found I had amounted to nothing

God made the world and saw that it was good
But I looked at my life and saw that I had been stripped until
I was just a naked corpse of nothing shamefully lying in my brokenness
And I don’t know how else to say it, but
I was empty and I know I’m not alone,
Because I’m staring at your eyes and I can see me staring back at me
You’re just a reflection of the me I was then
And our tomorrows were disappearing one after another
To quick to grab and hold onto
Dreams to far away to hold out for and cling to

You see,
sometimes I think we’re not to hard to define
We hid from all the things that make us human.
Sometimes I think we are just afraid to feel what feeling actually feels like
Because we’re sacred. . . We’re scared of leaving the masquerade behind us
Afraid of what’s actually beneath us
Beneath all the “I’m fine” responses, and make it on my own anthems
We are empty.

But,
Only one thing fills me, and it’s greater than me,
And in his weakest way he is stronger than my weakest point of me
And in my endless emptiness he is endlessly limitless
I let God fill me because without I’ve seen that I’m completely
Irrevocably empty of everything I used to say was me
See God made the world and God made me
And he has yet to leave me
And when I finally found him
I realized he had already found me
So I never had to fear being empty