Tuesday, June 2, 2009

unaswered crying

Here are the thoughts and feelings of gay High School boy. The boy jason is another gay boy who is his boyfriend. both christian/catholics struggling with how they are to deal with their religion and there homosexuality.
Put you defenses down, and just listen to this young boys prayer to God, and his pleas to humanity. don't try to defend God cause he doesn't need your help, just listen, learn and be challegened and ask God at the end what he says, what he speaks to you about this. we can't keep ignoring it. as christians i feel we are called to a higher standard than this.

Everything's an act when your pleasing everyone, and he assumes that role to such renown. he plays the perfect part, straight from his heart, knowing the risk he takes and hoping that the house is not brought down
the role of a lifetime is living a fantasy, a drama that you struggle to erase, thoughts battle words over deeds a war with such causalities, are played out behind a smiling face
God i need your guidance, tell me what it means, to live a life where nothings as it seems. spending days in silent fear, and spending nights in lonely prayer, hoping that one day when you wake those feelings wont be there.
so confused because i'm complete with him, when were alone it all somehow makes sense, look into his eyes for some compromise, remember the word forget, and try to bury something so intense
you learn to play the straight your lines become routine, never really saying what you mean, but i know this scene will change white picket fences and a dog, a trohpy bride and children, God i know that's what he wants. But jason what role do i play, am i savior or a phase am i here to damn you or to help you navigate this maze.
where confusion is a crime, so you fill your life with sound and if you dance like hell you hope you'll never touch the ground. what happens when the music stops, in this silence will he stay!? one day you'll realize that these feelings aren't going away. so we drive ourselves insane, spinning circles in our souls, as we dance around and play pretend. and once again reprise our roles. . .

what answers does the church have for these people. what answers does the Bible offer. So many homosexual people struggle with there lives everyday because they would give anything to be different, but they just aren't. How do we cater to them as christian friends and family? telling them that if they really pray enough the feelings they were born with and hate will go away? why do we feed them that? why do we pretend to have easy answers to such an incredibly difficult thing. we tell them its a sin, and if they act on it, they are damned to hell. we tell them its the same disgusting thing as pedophilia, and murder. how can we do that. these young christian people dying for answers, begging God to be different, asking him why he created them that way if they are then damned to hell for acting on the feelings they can't change. They are damned to a life without romance, without being able to tell some people how much they love them. Not being able to be physically intimate. and we christians who don't struggle with it can never offer up a solution, and in my experience and through what i've seen, we rarely even offer up support. if there is one thing in the scripture i struggle with daily its homosexuality. why, why is it a sin? why is it "destructive" and what are homosexuals supposed to do. i know what the scriptures say, i've read them, i've been taught them, so please don't just quote scripture, unless of coures that's all the answer we have for them. The Bible says so. . .the end no explanation. everything else is common sense or explained. We need jesus' love b/c we are imperfect and he is perfect, murder ends beautiful life, pedophilia denies children of there right to innocence, free choice, and life. i feel like everything is explain, and then all that it says about homosexuality is don't do it for it is lawlessness. why God, then WHY did you create people who are homosexual? i'm having a very hard time in my life digesting this. and findout a better answer for these poor people. they deserve a better answer than the ones they've been given. i know God loves them. . . but why would he create them to have those feelings they pray everyday to have taken away, and then deny them eternal life when they act on them, just like every hetero sexual would. . .God? i need answers, please.


  1. deep questions man...
    such complicated issues
    wish i had the answers too
    keep us posted w/any revelations you may have through your prayers...


  2. Even though I often feel that I am fighting a battle that is not mine, this topic still haunts me almost every day. I have no answers. Not yet.

  3. I think this blog is crying for some more posts!